I used to work for a company whose president constantly quoted the refrain, “Perception is reality.”
And that would royally piss me off. It still does, actually.
Because it was his way of saying that it didn’t matter what I did or didn’t do, all that mattered was what people thought of me. So what if I killed myself trying to meet an impossible deadline. If the client thought I was stupid, that was all that ultimately mattered.
It really killed any desire I had to go above and beyond the call of duty. I mean, what did it matter? I had no reason to knock myself out if the perceptions weren’t going to align with the reality. And what if it’s in someone’s selfish interests to ignore facts in order to maintain their false perception? I don’t quite buy it. Sure, we all have our own viewpoints which will almost always slant in our favor. But there has to be some common facts on which reasonable people agree. Something hard and fast, not subject to interpretation.
Nowadays I find myself in the unenviable position of trying to explain this theory to my kid. Her perception is that some of her teachers hate her. My perception is that some of her teachers are really lousy teachers, and that she is so disorganized that she pays a huge penalty on that front. It doesn’t do any good to do homework and forget to turn it in. Her teacher’s perceptions are that she doesn’t give a good goddamn about the classwork and why should they try to change her point of view. Sadly, they’re at least partially right.
So how do you explain this theory, when you rail against it personally? Do I take a jaded attitude, tell her life’s inherently unfair, and she needs to learn to play the games or pay the price? I don’t want her to learn the hard way, the way I did, that following the rules and having personal integrity simply isn’t enough to make it in the big cruel world. Hard work isn’t always appreciated or rewarded. Sometimes it’s even punished. Being right and speaking your mind won’t always garner you respect. Fight for justice but don’t expect it.
When my own parents tried to teach me these lessons, I scoffed at them. I didn’t believe them, I thought they were old and had already surrendered and taken the easier path, not the righteous one. I guess we all want to protect our kids from harsh realities.
